It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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