I wanna passion pit in your ass
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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