He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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