just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
