is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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