the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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