is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
