When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
