I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
