How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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