Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
