Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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