Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
