i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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