im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
