Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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