party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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