i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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