well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love you. Go after that dick
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
