He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
