wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
