we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
