sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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