im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
