So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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