How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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