people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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