just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
