is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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