Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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