i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
