dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
