i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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