my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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