you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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