My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
should my penis look like a turkey
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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