Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
