So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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