So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
