yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
