sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
