Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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