you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize