He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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