All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
