WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
