my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
