I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
