do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
