my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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