Already got asked if we're dating
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
