last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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