SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
