he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
