How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
