somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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