they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
