dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
