I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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