Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
