Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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