What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
