my sisters under your porch take her home
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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