I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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