I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
