Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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