So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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