i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
