So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
