2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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