Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
