i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
