He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
