"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
