I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
