Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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