meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize