what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
