Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
